We all want to be the best version of ourself and we should all want to be a good friend to others.
It is important with mental health rates affecting 1 in 4 people in their lifetime and suicide the biggest killer of men aged between 20-49, that we spread kindness, compassion and are empathetic to all.
Be mindful of your speech
Before you speak think.
Is what you are saying true?
Is it helpful?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary
Is it inspirational?
Word hurt people and have a lasting impression. Your words are a reflection of yourself and should always be kind and positive.
Listen do not hear
Have you ever been confiding in a friend about something important and know they are not listening to you. Yes they hear your words whilst glancing around the room, too busy with their own thoughts. They are not listening. I have experienced this many times and as an a very empathetic human I am always the one to help and listen to my friends. Therefore I used to find it very hurtful when I needed help that I was treated that way.
I have 2 points to make regarding this.
Firstly, do not be offended or hurt if someone is not listening to you. Yes, it can be hard. Their actions can come across rude and uncaring however do not be angry at them. They are not being mindful or fully conscious in the present because their mind is full of many thoughts and they are jumping from one to the next and they do not have the mental capability at that moment to help you.
That is ok, we are only human. If you find a friend is not listening stop speaking. Do not waste your energy, understand they are unable to help you and seek help from someone who is able to help.
Secondly, I will explain to you about mindful listening which is what you should always aim to do if someone is talking to you. You need to bring your conscious and thoughts to the present moment. Be aware of body language, your environment, unspoken words and tone of voice of yourself and others.
If you feel you have too much going on yourself to help someone, be honest. Being honest and saying ” I promise I am always here for you and we will get through your problems together. Today my mind is full of my own thoughts and I would not be able to help you in the way you deserve. As soon as my mind is more clear I will listen to everything you have to say.” It is ok to say no.
Show compassion and kindness not just to others but also to yourself. Negative self talk and gossiping can become a bad habit that needs to be broken to be truly compassionate. If you notice negative thoughts pop into your mind stop them and replace them with something positive. Also if your friend is being negative about themselves stop them and teach them the importance of self love and acceptance.
Set boundaries for yourself and be mindful of other people’s boundaries. There is nothing worse than someone stepping over your boundary or you bending your boundaries to be a people pleaser. Therefore, always treat others how you would want to be treated. Respect their boundaries and stop pushing something if you sense a person becoming uncomfortable or confrontational. Do not raise to the confrontation instead look at yourself in that present moment and be conscious of how your actions or words have affected someone.
Have a non judgemental attitude
Having a non judgemental attitude in one of the key concepts of Mindfulness. It’s become embedded in us that it is ‘normal‘ to judge others. I’m going to tell you that it is not normal and that mind set needs to end. Be open-minded towards everyone and every situation. Being judgemental you automatically feed yourself negative thoughts and emotions based on nothing but a judgement from your own mind. This is unhealthy for you and others.
Judging a person does not make you a good friend. You will hurt others and yourself. This does not mean you have to agree with everything someone says or does but it does mean that you do not judge them or make them feel bad about their life or choices.
Lastly, and most importantly…
If you miss someone call them and tell them.
If you haven’t heard from someone text them.
If your worried about someone call them, text them or go and see them.
Life is too short to wait and be dishonest about about our feelings. Double text people, pick up the phone and don’t be afraid to be honest about your feelings. It’s human nature to love and care. Spread kind words and love. Sometimes it is too late to tell people you love them.
My inbox on a social platforms are always open to anyone who needs someone to talk to. Your never alone.
Sending love and light to you all,