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How to avoid and remove toxic people from your life

Toxic people can be completely unaware of how toxic they are and the negative impact they have on not just others but also their own life. Other toxic people on the other hand, have such embedded negative traits they are unable to see what they have done wrong and can not take responsibility for their own behaviour. When an individual has those traits they will never change until they take ownership and responsibility of themselves, their actions, their words and accept the consequences for their actions.

Sometimes it can be difficult to avoid or remove toxic people from your life. When they are a life long friend or a family member or someone at work you have to see every day unless you change jobs. You can rise above these toxic people and not allow they to lower your vibration, however over time their poison can affect your mental health, mindset and lower your vibration.

Ask yourself

What benefit is this individual having to my life?

 Do I really need someone in my life who is not going to support me?

Who is going to try to tear me down?

Are they good for me in the short and long term?

Does this individual bring me up?

Or am I left feeling hurt, anxious, sad, negative once seeing or speaking to them?

Signs of a toxic person:

Projects negativity
Never has anything nice to say
Controlling behaviour
Makes you feel bad about yourself
Does not celebrate your achievements
Competitive with you and others
Intimidating nature
No respect for your boundaries
Not learning from their life lessons
Self righteous
Manipulating and playing the victim – “it’s not me, its you”
Can not take responsibility for their own actions

People like this are not worth your time or energy.


Put yourself first and know your worth

Toxic people have the ability to get inside your head and make you start putting their needs and wants before your own. Sometimes you might not even notice you are doing this until it is pointed out to you or it is having a serious impact on your happiness and self worth. Cut those cords and put yourself, your needs and wants back at the top of your to do list. It is not selfish, it is selfish for another person to expect you to put them first. Remember you are worthy and do not lower your boundaries for anyone. Your happiness is a priority.

Do not try to solve their problems

Myself, as an old soul and a very nurturing being with a passion for helping others was once upon a time victim to trying to solve other peoples problems and felt awful guilt if I couldn’t. This is what I have learnt, you can always try to HELP people but you should never try to SOLVE their problems. There is a huge difference. It can be easy to see what lessons the individual needs to learn and the changes they need to make to benefit themselves and others. However you can not force anyone to make changes to solve their problems. Understand the problem is within that person and unlikely to change unless they learn the life lessons they need to and that is not your responsibility.

Listen to your intuition/how your body reacts to people.

Our intuition is real and is referred to as our “gut feeling”. It is something that we should always listen to and connect with, Also our body will react in ways around people and environments to warn us. Connect with your mind, body and soul. You are more that just a human. If your body reacts with shaking, nausea, heart palpitations, random anxiety or headaches it is trying to tell you something. I now immediately know when a person, environment or arrangement is not for my Highest Good.

Give the person an opportunity

Always make movements with kindness first. Give the person an opportunity to respect you and your boundaries and make relevant changes. Have an adult conversation where you are both calm, open and honest about your feelings. I know from experience with narcissists this option does not always lead to the destination you desire. If they react badly then know you gave that person an opportunity and handled your situation in kindness and love. If they say they understand and are willing to work with you to make changes where you are both happy, then move forwards. However if things do not change do not get stuck in a rut with that person. Cut the cord.

Distance yourself

Slowly distance yourself from the toxic individual, cancel plans you do not want to attend and do not make the first movements in contacting them. This gives you breathing space to make the decision you want to and start putting your happiness first again. If you do see the toxic person again after distancing yourself and your body reacts negativity (shakes, headaches, anxiety, anger, frustration etc) you can take this as clarity it is time to remove that person from your life and it will be easier to do so after distancing yourself.

Do not feel like you owe them anything

Narcissists and toxic people will try to make you feel bad even when you are the victim of their abusive behaviour. They can not see themselves as anything other than the victim and refuse to take accountability for themselves. They put everything on you.  You do not owe anyone in this life anything. You are on your own soul journey and that journey does not revolve around anyone but you. You have not been put on this earth to owe a toxic person a single thing. Never worry if they do not understand, as long as you know you are doing what is best for you then do it.

Remove them on social media

There comes a time when it is appropriate to remove the toxic person off your social media so that you can not see them, see any indirect messages towards you and so they can also not see what you are doing. Toxic people tend to become very obsessed with what you are doing, how well you are doing and anything they can try to use to hurt you. or talk badly about you.

End toxic relationships

Get out of the pattern! Someone will never change if you stay and accept their behaviour. Do what is for your Highest Good and do not let people with lower vibrations hold you down from growing. They do not want you to grow and evolve. They do not want you to do well or “better than them”. They want you to remain unhappy by projecting their unhappiness onto you and your life.

Your life is too precious and short to accept that behaviour.


Sending love and light to you all,

Alyssa xx

(16) Comments

  1. Love the layout of this, really easy ready and a topic we can all benefit from! Thanks for this, I’ll be thinking about these toxic relationships differently from now on.

  2. Very nice loved it and took this lesson from it “you can help but you can’t solve the problem for anyone” … so true

  3. So true, the intuition is a great indicator and following it really protects us.

  4. Eileen says:

    Great article and advice. I truly believe in cutting out toxic people even family members. Peace and love 😍😍😍

    1. Alyssa says:

      I do too. Thank you so much for your comment!

  5. Couldn’t agree more with this post! I’ve removed toxic people from my life in the past which always made me feel negative and only wanted to be friends with me on their terms, and since cutting the cord, I’ve felt so much better. I don’t miss people who are no good for me! It’s important to share messages like these so people learn to value themselves and cut ties with people who only bring them down. Thank you for sharing x

  6. This is something that cannot be said enough, so I’m very glad you brought the topic up. I really liked that you said that the ties should be cut with kindness – I think that makes it easier, actually – as well as offering one last chance for change, it also helps the person trying to move on to feel less bad about themselves. I know I would feel that cutting someone off, however toxic, was very selfish, but I’m trying to move past that. I don’t think other people doing it is selfish, and I am no different.

  7. This was a much needed post for me to read. I tend to allow toxic people in my life and then allow them to stay. Thank you so much for this fantastic and true post Alyssa!

  8. Great article. It is difficult when it is a family member but even doing a few of these suggestions limits their negative influence.

  9. Do not try to solve their problems is very important point. It really puts immense pressure on one & as you said further that you will feel guilt if you fail to support them.

    Great one , Alyssa !

  10. Very good tips as always and this is an important post. I used to be very bad at even recognising that people were toxic – it took leaving a toxic relationship and my next, stable partner to point out how toxic the previous one was for me to realise. Can you explain more on the concept of “highest good” please?

    1. Alyssa says:

      There are lots of different interpretations for Highest Good but for me is means attracting things etc that is only going to bring me the best emotions (true happiness), best opportunities, the best feelings, the best life has to offer, what is best for me and nothing less. I hope ai explained that ok 😅 x

      1. Thank you!

  11. It is always so hard to detect someone’s toxic energy at first, as I’ve found that they tend to be good at camouflaging this aspect of their personality until you’ve become emotionally invested.

    Def agree that it is good to respond to everyone with kindness, but that sometimes distancing ourselves and ultimately ending the relationship can be necessary for our own wellbeing sometimes.

  12. Wow, nicely put and very clear. Thanks for this article. I’ve been periodically checking whom is toxic in my life exactly by asking your same questions and was never let down by the resulting choice 🙂

  13. Toxic people, people like this all around me, I have to remove them like your said (love the tips) xx

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